How Do I Move Forward After a Relationship Breakup with an Emotional Abuser

Posted on May 12, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

You’ve come to the place on your journey since involvement with an emotional abuser where you’ve asked yourself no less than a gazillion questions. Getting the correct answer to your next question, “How do I move forward after a relationship breakup with an emotional abuser?” is paramount.

Why is the correct answer paramount? The correct answer is what will give you peace and will lay the groundwork for what will possibly be the most exciting next chapter in your life if you so choose to ever enter the dating scene again in hopes of finding the true knight in shining armor.

After a relationship breakup, time is required to mend and heal your broken heart. One of the thoughts that will enter your mind during the healing process after a destructive and emotionally abusive relationship is the fear of, “What if this happens again to me?”

You might even be able to recognize that you’ve had a repeat pattern of getting involved with the same type of person with similar outcomes, so you fear even more so the thought of ever dating again. If you recognize a repeat pattern, it is possibly due to your not investing time in your healing process determining what it is you want in your next relationship.

How To Move Forward After Relationship Breakup With An Emotional Abuser

Knowing Exactly What You Don't Want Determines Exactly What You Do Want

If you’ve gone through a relationship breakup and immediately immersed yourself in the dating scene thinking getting involved with someone else will help ease the pain, beware. You most likely will attract and be attracted to the same type of person you just broke up with or who just broke up with you.

Taking the time and asking yourself, “How do I move forward after a relationship breakup with an emotional abuser?” from the following perspective will prove to be foundational for successful future relationships, if you choose to ever date again.

Looking at the relationship that you just had with an emotional abuser should give you an extremely clear picture of what you do not ever want again in your life. Your horrific and life threatening relationship has allowed you to find out exactly what you do not want and what you will not tolerate.

If you look at the relationship you just got out of with an emotional abuser from the perspective that it was a waste of time, a waste of money, as well as a waste of a whole lot of other things, it will be difficult, if not impossible to move forward in complete health. It is part of the process of getting out of the relationship to assess how you are wasting time, money, your health, safety, etc., but in the healing process these factors need to be put in their proper perspective.

Identifying, acknowledging, and accepting that you wasted valuable resources and that you allowed yourself to be personally devalued is an angering and humbling experience. How can you move successfully forward being empowered after such an experience?

You ask yourself, “How do I move forward after a relationship breakup with an emotional abuser without being bitter and broken? How do I move forward with strength?”

The answer to your question begins with the gradual understanding that your experience of being in an emotionally abusive relationship gave you the clearest picture life could ever give you of exactly what you do not want. With that lesson, you can begin to identify exactly what you do want.

Once you are able to identify exactly what you do want and focus on those things, you are positioning yourself to look for, attract, and be attracted to the types of people that have those qualities.

Walking out your life knowing exactly what you want is a priceless key.

This truth might initially be difficult to swallow depending on where you are in your healing process. For some, this truth might not be able to even be tolerated.

For those who want to be empowered and strengthened by the torment and living hell of having been involved with an emotional abuser, this truth will be foundational.

This truth will prove to be foundational in finding peace and living with the hope that, yes, there are good people out there. And, yes, there is a knight in shining armor looking for you, just as you look for him.

 

http://EscapeEmotionalAbuse.com to access specific techniques to improve your relationships and prevent and stop emotional abuse in your life.

Visit: http://Facebook.com/EscapeWithRuth to make comments or ask questions.

Thank you to Boris Ponder from Corsicana, TX for music suggestion by Fantasia “Doin’ Me.” And, thank you for the years of support believing in me when I wasn’t able to see the truth.

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First Step in Getting Out or Staying Out of Relationship With an Emotional Abuser

Posted on April 20, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

No one that understands and believes they have value will accept any kind of disrespect or unfairness and any kind of abuse. The first step in getting out and/or staying out of relationship with an emotional abuser is to begin the process of working on yourself and begin to believe you have value.

First Step in Getting Out and Staying Out of Relationship With an Emotional Abuser

First Step in Getting Out and Staying Out of Relationship With an Emotional Abuser

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Posted in How Did You Get Into This, How to Leave an Emotional Abuser, Self Esteem, Values and Integrity, What is Wrong with Me?, Why Do I Stay/Keep Going Back? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Change Thinking Patterns and Patterns of Behavior and Stop Feeling Stuck With Emotional Abusers and Other People in Your Life

Posted on April 10, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

Are you feeling stuck in your relationship with an emotional abuser or other people in your life? Life around you is in constant motion, so how is it that you can still feel stuck?

Does it feel like even after changing some of your behaviors, within a short period of time you’re back doing the same things you used to be doing? Does it feel like even after changing some of your behaviors you seem to get the same results?

When you talk about what you want in a relationship, whether it be with an emotional abuser or other people in your life, do you also talk about what you don’t want?

“I want someone who is honest and faithful. I don’t want a liar and a cheat.” Have you ever made that type of statement or something similar to it?

If you often make those or similar statements, then your thinking patterns are creating confusion and it will be impossible for you to focus clearly on what you want. For a short period of time you might be able to change some of your behaviors, but you’ll soon go back to the same old patterns of behavior and feeling stuck all over again.

Don’t think about an elephant. Don’t think about a plug-in on the wall.

What did you just think about? You just thought about an elephant and you just thought about a plug-in on the wall even though you were in the middle of thinking a completely different thought, and you probably felt very confused.

That is what happens when you think or say opposing statements. You say you want one thing and the very next moment you’re saying you want the exact opposite.

When you say you want something different and better in your life, it is important that you are clear in what you want or your brain is going to revert back to what it knows best. When your brain is confused, it will take the path of least resistance.

If you want something to change for the better in your life, then you must change your thinking patterns. You must only think about what you want and focus your attention on that new desire.

When you change your thinking patterns, you will then experience a lasting change in your patterns of behavior. When there is a lasting change in your patterns of behavior, your life will begin to change for the better.

Changing Thinking Patterns With Emotional Abusers Is Like Building New Roads

Changing Thinking Patterns With Emotional Abusers And Other People In Your Life Is Like Building A New Road

Neural pathways in your brain are like roads. The more a road is traveled, the deeper the ruts.

If your thinking patterns create confusion by giving your brain two opposing thoughts, your brain is going to take the path of least resistance or return to its rut, per say. If you’re trying to make positive changes in your life whether it be with an emotional abuser or other people in your life, it is like you’re building a new road in your brain.

You must travel this new road as often as you can in order to create a deeper rut than the rut that has been created by your old thinking patterns which had two opposing thoughts. Within time you will begin to see your patterns of behavior change.

Whether it be with an emotional abuser or other people in your life, the results of your new thinking patterns and focusing only on what you want will be new patterns of behavior, no more feeling stuck, and a happier and better life.

 

http://EscapeEmotionalAbuse.com to access specific techniques to improve your relationships and prevent and stop emotional abuse in your life.

Visit: http://Facebook.com/EscapeWithRuth to make comments or ask questions.

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Do You Feel Stuck in Patterns of Behavior With Emotional Abusers or Other People in Your Life?

Posted on April 1, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

Have you found yourself saying time and again, “Same old story, just a different day?” Or, have you ever made the statement, “Same old story, just a different name?”

If you are honest with yourself and can acknowledge either of these two statements, then you’ve probably been able to acknowledge that you feel like you’re stuck in patterns of behavior. If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, have just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship. or find yourself experiencing the feelings that go along with feeling stuck in patterns of behavior with any other people in your life, you’ll be happy to learn you really aren’t stuck. Continue reading →

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#1 Question to Ask Yourself About Emotional Abusers and Other People in Your Life

Posted on March 15, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

How many people would you say you meet in one day’s time? And of these people you meet, how many of them do you add into your life?

Perhaps your answer is that you meet or cross paths with a multitude of people depending on your lifestyle choices, but you really don’t add that many people into your life. When you do add someone into your life, do you realize that you went through some kind of mental processing?

The people you add in some way fit into your life whether it was for business or personal reasons. In the same manner you add people in your life, you can benefit by having a process determining whether they remain in your life. Continue reading →

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“The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” – Education of What Is a Narcissistic Emotional Abuser or Entertainment?

Posted on March 10, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

Some of the network shows of ABC “The Bachelor” and ABC “The Bachelorette” appear to be admissible curriculum material for a psychology class teaching about personality disorders. Whether it be Ashley Ebert’s encounter on the 2011 ABC “The Bachelorette” or the 2012 ABC “The Bachelor” show where Jake Flajnik has met his match, viewers are getting an education as to what is a narcissistic emotional abuser.

A contestant making a statement in the 2011 season of “The Bachelorette” such as, “I’d rather swim in a pool filled with urine than…” behind the back of the woman whom he was vying to win the attention of could easily be identified as cold and callous. Numerous other descriptors are certainly applicable. Continue reading →

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With a Narcissistic Emotional Abuser? – At What Point Do I Take Control of Where This Ship Sails?

Posted on February 25, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship with someone you’d describe as a narcissistic emotional abuser? Have you ever asked yourself the question, “At what point do I take control of where this ship sails?”

If you’ve been in this type of relationship with this type of person you will get to the point of thinking about and eventually leaving the relationship. You will also get to the point after leaving the relationship and going back and forth and in and out of the relationship that you begin to ask yourself, “At what point do I take control of where this ship sails?”

Narcissistic Emotional Abuser's Way of Steering Your Ship

Narcissistic Emotional Abuser's Way of Steering Your Ship - Is This What You Want?

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The Secret, Law of Attraction, and Narcissistic Emotional Abusers-Are You Saying I Attracted Abuse?

Posted on February 24, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

“The Secret” and information about the law of attraction are not easily accepted concepts if you’ve been abused in any way whether it be sexual, physical, or emotional or whether the abuse happened when you were a child or an adult. Are you kidding?

Are you saying I attracted abuse? How absolutely absurd and unimaginable!

After years of surviving in a relationship with a narcissistic emotional abuser or from any type of abuse, and you’re able to still use your cognitive powers, if you came across “The Secret” or information regarding the law of attraction, it most likely caused a knee jerk reaction. The idea that you in somehow attracted abuse as if you welcomed torment and torture is completely ludicrous! Continue reading →

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Narcissistic Emotional Abuser – What Is It In Me That Keeps Me From Leaving? Why Do I Stay?

Posted on February 21, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

Humans experience six basic fears. The fears are: fear of poverty, ill health, the loss of love, death, old age, and of criticism.

When it comes to remaining in relationship with an emotional abuser, you eventually become very well aware that games are being played with your emotions and though you’ve continued to express your hurts and pains, nothing changes. Beyond mind control and habits created, you get to the point of asking yourself one of two questions and perhaps both questions.

You ask yourself, “What is it in me that keeps me from leaving? Why do I stay?” You no longer are focused on the emotional abuser’s unimaginable behaviors and treatment to you, but you begin to ask yourself some core questions.

You’ve moved to the point of turning the focus on you. So many times in your life you’ve been told it’s selfish to look at yourself and you should focus on others and how you can help them.

It’s made sense to focus your energies on the emotional abuser and trying to help them see they are missing the point of your outcries and how great your relationship could be if they would just stop doing or saying hurtful things. You have now moved to the point of realizing you must get out of the relationship in order to save yourself.

Turning the focus back to yourself no longer seems selfish. You know it must be done.

When you ask yourself the two core questions, “What is it in me that keeps me from leaving or why do I stay?” you are looking for an answer that will be the root cause of why you’d allow your life to nearly be taken from you. If you are brave enough to ask yourself these questions and braver still to look at the answer, the answer very well can be the assurance that you will not repeat this mistake ever again in your life.

The next time disrespect or unfairness comes your way, you will be able to ask yourself why you’d allow this type of treatment in your life. What are you so afraid of happening to you that you’d choose to allow continual disrespect or unfairness done to you?

Narcissistic Emotional Abuser; Why Do I Stay?-6 Basic Human Fears

Looking at the six basic fears known to all humans; fear of poverty, ill health, the loss of love, death, old age, and of criticism, which one or more of the six do you experience fear of? What imaginary reprieve does the emotional abuser have or give you that you think protects or provides you from your basic fears?

You may find out the very thing you looked to the emotional abuser to protect you from is the very thing they gave to you.

http://EscapeEmotionalAbuse.com to access specific techniques to improve your relationships and to prevent and stop emotional abuse in your life.

Visit: http://Facebook.com/EscapeWithRuth to make comments or ask questions.

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Whitney Houston – Was There a Narcissist or Narcissistic Emotional Abuser in Her Life?

Posted on February 13, 2012 by Ruth Elaine David, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Anger Resolution Therapist

If you’ve ever been involved with a narcissist or a narcissistic emotional abuser in a love relationship, then you will understand the title of this article, “Whitney Houston – Was There a Narcissist or Narcissistic Emotional Abuser in Her Life?” You will also most likely agree with the answer that will be found as you continue to read.

If you’ve been fortunate enough to not have had a relationship with a narcissist or a narcissistic emotional abuser, then you will gain a possible perspective and a possible answer for Whitney Houston’s  death at the age of 48 years.

Narcissists and narcissistic emotional abusers are relentless. They never give up playing their game because this is who they are.

A narcissist is able to worm their way into your brain and into your psyche. They study and learn your weak spots and when they find them, they will return, sometimes years later, to get whatever it is they need and get from you, their source.

If you have children with the narcissist, it is near impossible to escape the web the narcissistic emotional abuser continuously spins. Perhaps the only way to protect yourself is to always and on every occasion and in every situation have a third party present when communications take place.

Whitney Houston-Was there an emotional or Narcissistic Emotional Abuser in Her Life?

Whitney Houston's Death - Was there a narcissistic emotional abuser in her life?

You might think this statement is ludicrous and that is acceptable. If you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship with this type of person, you agree without question.

As you continue to battle within the web, you will undoubtedly become worn and weary. If you ever used drugs at a time in your life when good times were happening and you were partying, these same drugs many times are chosen as a means to take away and numb emotional pain.

What might appear as a battle with drugs is superficial at best in many people’s lives. There is always an underlying motive for anyone choosing to use drugs.

If the underlying motive is not completely dealt with, regardless of being clean or not, the motive remains and self-destruction continues. When you stop using the drugs that used to momentarily take away and numb emotional pain, you are now left trying to figure out how to move forward.

This is exactly where the spinning of the web done by the narcissistic emotional abuser is so deadly. You figure out how to move forward without drugs, you get back up on your feet, you start succeeding in your life again, and what does the narcissistic emotional abuser do?

They say something or do something that pushes your trigger, your weak spot, to put you in a tailspin. The no contact rule must be part of your life, for the rest of your life, with the narcissistic emotional abuser.

Like previously stated, if you have children with this type of person, a third party must be present when and if communications take place. And, you must be honest with yourself that you don’t use the excuse that you have children together that continues your communications with the narcissistic emotional abuser.

Was there an emotional or narcissistic emotional abuser in Whitney Houston’s life? Her phone records will show, as well as one or two of her very close friends will know this answer.

If there was any type of person in her life that these one or two people told Whitney she must stay away from, then this would be the answer to what killed Whitney Houston. There will be a pattern of someone in and out of her life connected to a pattern of emotional ups and downs.

Emotional and narcissistic emotional abusers are the silent killers who take from us the talents and gifts of some of our best. The silent killers spin their webs and play their games and the world goes on not knowing the truth.

http://EscapeEmotionalAbuse.com to access specific techniques to improve your relationships and to prevent and stop emotional abuse in your life.

Please visit: http://Facebook.com/EscapeWithRuth to make comments or ask questions.

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